Cricket and Beer

You’re listening to live commentary, coming to you from the opening game of the SANAE IV “tip & run” cricket series. Good evening everybody. The conditions are perfect for a night game here at the A-Block Oval, the sun is shining and we expect the temperature to peak at a toasty -10C so I hope that everybody remembered their sunscreen. We only have a slight 8 kts breeze coming in from the east so we should see a sell out crowd in the stands. Our reporters in the field have just informed us that we can even expect some of the denizens of C-Block to be at today’s game, so it’s wonderful to see that people are really coming together in the spirit of cricket.

Before we get into the ball by ball commentary, Mr Gavin Mutch, chairman of the Vesleskarvet Cricket Association, official match photographer, scorer, ball cleaner and bottle cap collector, has this to say about the pitch conditions.

 

“The lack of red soil will assist the spinners more than the seemers as the game goes forward. The wicket is very unevenly rolled, also not much grass on the wicket. We can expect some movement early on for the quick bowlers due to the moisture, but it is still a win the toss, bat first wicket.”

 

The players are slow to take to the field and there seems to be some arguing going on at the stumps. Meanwhile at the other end it looks as though the player carrying the bat from the games room upstairs has by default won the toss and become the first batsman. The argument seems to be over who will be the wicketkeeper/bartender. The inside of the wickets is a perfect receptacle for the large amount of beer that the players have brought with them onto the field. You can’t be too careful in this weather, folks, dehydration is a killer.

As the game gets underway, let’s talk about some of the stars that we will see tonight. Jon “lefty” Ward, on the verge of a major comeback after being out of the game for almost 10 years, told me earlier that he is confident that he can beat his highest score of 10 not out. Renier “Willie-Wonka” Fuchs said that home field advantage will give him the edge over the competition. Stef “Potch-Kassie” Strachan, in her debut after her scandalous exit from competitive table-tennis, says she is ready to crush the opposition. Johan “Jonty” Du Plessis, who dodges exploding batteries for a living, fancies his chances as well and was telling me earlier that he had a few tricks up some of the holes in his sleeve. Flavian “Camerooooon” Minko, a wild card, has never played before in his life but is up for the challenge. Stephen “Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve” Middleton says that he is indestructible after his birthday snow-bath and that with his stamina, he will go all the way.

Let’s turn our attention now to the field where, Flavian “Camerooooon” Minko has just arrived at the stumps. We are almost through our first round of play and nobody has really taken control of the game yet. Jon “lefty” Ward has just come back from his innings. Let’s hear what he has to say.

 

“Very disappointed about that innings, the movement on the pitch was very tricky. I also cannot tell who is actually playing the game and who is just standing around taking pictures, so it was very difficult to pick my shots. I think I am going to do much better in the next innings. I am definitely going to put my beer down and bat with two hands.”

Back to the pitch and Flavian “Camerooooon” Minko has finally figured out which way to hold the bat and is hanging in there. Renier “Willie Wonka” Fuchs has been devastating with his creepy-crawlies. On the side-lines it looks like Kristen “ROFLcopter” Van Schie is giving up on photography and joining the game. This will definitely distract Fred “LOLsies” Fourie, who has been having a killer game so far, and might open up an opportunity for Ben “Pinch-Hitter” Saayman to take a commanding lead in the runs. Stef “Potch-Kassie” Strachan has just claimed her third wicket; she has been on fire in the field tonight.

Next batter up and...It’s a huge dive...and a catch by Johan “Jonty” Du Plessis. No one saw this coming! Surely this has struck fear into the hearts and minds of all the players. Its over! The players are leaving the field. The winner is....